Difference between revisions of "Transcript:Space Pilot 3000"
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FUTURAMA | |||
Episode 101 | |||
"SPACE PILOT 3000" | |||
by | |||
David X. Cohen & Matt Groening | |||
[Over the caption December 31st 1999 a crude spaceship flies | |||
through space, cruising over and under planets and a man speaks.] | |||
MAN | |||
(voice-over) Space. It seems to go on | |||
and on forever. But then you get to | |||
the end and the gorilla starts throwing | |||
barrels at you. | |||
[A planet opens up and a huge gorilla starts throwing barrels | |||
at the spaceship. It dodges a few but one hits it and it explodes. | |||
The gorilla thumps its chest and "Game Over" flashes on the screen. | |||
The spaceship and gorilla isn't real and the man, called Fry, | |||
was playing an arcade game called "Monkey Fracas Jr". He is in | |||
his mid-20s, wears a red jacket and has orange hair with two | |||
distinct forks at the front. There is a little kid standing next | |||
to him. The game is against the wall in a pizzeria called Panucci's | |||
Pizza.] | |||
FRY | |||
And that's how you play the game! | |||
KID | |||
You stink, loser! | |||
[Mr Panucci, a middle-aged balding man wearing a vest, leans | |||
over the counter with a pizza box.] | |||
PANUCCI | |||
Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out! C'mon!! | |||
[Fry sighs, takes the pizza from him and walks out.] | |||
[New York Street. Fry cycles past people enjoying their New Millennium | |||
Eve. A cab pulls up and he sees his girlfriend inside.] | |||
FRY | |||
Michelle, baby! Where you going? | |||
MICHELLE | |||
It's not working out, Fry. I put your | |||
stuff out on the sidewalk! | |||
[Time Lapse. Fry is still on his bike getting more and more depressed.] | |||
FRY | |||
I hate my life I hate my life I hate | |||
my life. | |||
[Cut to: Outside Applied Cryogenics. He stops outside a building | |||
and locks up his bike. A man sneaks up behind him, cuts the chain | |||
and steals his bike.] | |||
BIKE THIEF | |||
Happy new year! | |||
[Applied Cryogenics. Fry steps out of the elevator on the 64th | |||
floor. He knocks on a door marked Applied Cryogenics. A sign | |||
underneath indicates No Power Failures Since 199[7]. No one opens | |||
the door so Fry goes in.] | |||
[Cut to: Cryogenics Lab. The room is empty and there are no lights | |||
on. Strange pods about 6ft tall line one of the walls. There | |||
are a few other machines around the room and a desk and a chair | |||
in the middle of the room. Fry wipes some condensation from a | |||
window on one of the pods, revealing the face of an inanimate | |||
man inside. He turns around.] | |||
FRY | |||
Hello? Pizza delivery for......Icy Wiener?! | |||
Aw, crud! I always thought at this point | |||
in my life I'd be the one making the | |||
crank calls! Here's to another lousy | |||
millennium. | |||
[He unenthusiastically raises his hand and toasts.] | |||
[Cut to: Time Square. Crowds have gathered for the countdown. | |||
10 appears on a huge screen.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Ten! | |||
[Cut to: Paris. A screen on the Eiffel Tower displays 9.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Neuf! | |||
[Cut to: Vatican City. The Pope holds up a sign with "VIII" on | |||
it.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Otto! | |||
[Cut to: Egypt. Egyptians crowd around the pyramids.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Sabaa! | |||
[Cut to: Athens. People are gathered around the Parthelon.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Eksi! | |||
[Cut to: Great Wall Of China.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Wu! | |||
[Cut to: Taj Mahal.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Chaar! | |||
[Cut to: African Village.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Thathu! | |||
[Cut to: Tokyo. A screen displays 2.] | |||
CROWD | |||
Wu! | |||
[From space the whole planet sees in the new millennium.] | |||
CROWD | |||
One! | |||
[Cut to: Cryogenics Lab. Fry unenthusiastically blows a party | |||
blower and starts losing his balance on the chair. It tips back. | |||
Fry waves his arms around trying to regain his balance. As he | |||
falls he doesn't see the shadow of a small creature under the | |||
desk. The chair tips back and Fry falls off it and rolls backwards | |||
into cryogenic freezer number 40. The dial on the machine automatically | |||
sets itself for 1000 years.] | |||
FRY | |||
What the? | |||
[He looks around and screams. In a flash he is frozen in time.] | |||
[Time Lapse.Days and nights and eventually years pass à la The | |||
Time Machine as he stays locked in the freezer. Civilisation | |||
is destroyed by aliens twice until eventually huge buildings | |||
spring up around Applied Cryogenics. The timer stops 1000 years | |||
later and the door opens. Fry is unfrozen. Initially disorientated, | |||
he stumbles around and notices something to his right. He presses | |||
his face against a large window and stares in awe.] | |||
FRY | |||
My God! It's the future. My parents, | |||
my co-workers, my girlfriend. I'll never | |||
see any of them again. Yahoo! | |||
[Opening Credits. Caption: In Color.] | |||
[Cryogenics Lab. Fry is still looking out of the window. The | |||
door opens and two shadows walk in.] | |||
MAN | |||
(dramatically) Welcome to the world | |||
of tomorrow! | |||
[The other shadow turns on the light. They are lab technicians | |||
both wearing white lab coats. The dramatic one is called Terry. | |||
He is a blonde Caucasian with large glasses. The other is called | |||
Lou, a black haired Asian.] | |||
LOU | |||
Why do you always have to say it that | |||
way? | |||
TERRY | |||
Haven't you ever heard of a little thing | |||
called showmanship? (dramatically) | |||
Come, your destiny awaits! | |||
[Applied Cryogenics Corridor. The technicians leave Fry outside | |||
the Fate Assignment Officer's office.] | |||
LOU | |||
Have a nice future. | |||
[The door slides open.] | |||
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Revision as of 18:01, 19 April 2008
Episode Transcript Listing | Navigation in production order | Next → |
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Transcript for | |
Space Pilot 3000 | |
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Written by | David X. Cohen & Matt Groening |
Transcribed by | The Neutral Planet |
FUTURAMA Episode 101 "SPACE PILOT 3000"
by David X. Cohen & Matt Groening
[Over the caption December 31st 1999 a crude spaceship flies through space, cruising over and under planets and a man speaks.] MAN (voice-over) Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and the gorilla starts throwing barrels at you. [A planet opens up and a huge gorilla starts throwing barrels at the spaceship. It dodges a few but one hits it and it explodes. The gorilla thumps its chest and "Game Over" flashes on the screen. The spaceship and gorilla isn't real and the man, called Fry, was playing an arcade game called "Monkey Fracas Jr". He is in his mid-20s, wears a red jacket and has orange hair with two distinct forks at the front. There is a little kid standing next to him. The game is against the wall in a pizzeria called Panucci's Pizza.] FRY And that's how you play the game!
KID You stink, loser!
[Mr Panucci, a middle-aged balding man wearing a vest, leans over the counter with a pizza box.] PANUCCI Hey, Fry. Pizza goin' out! C'mon!! [Fry sighs, takes the pizza from him and walks out.]
[New York Street. Fry cycles past people enjoying their New Millennium Eve. A cab pulls up and he sees his girlfriend inside.] FRY Michelle, baby! Where you going?
MICHELLE It's not working out, Fry. I put your stuff out on the sidewalk! [Time Lapse. Fry is still on his bike getting more and more depressed.] FRY I hate my life I hate my life I hate my life. [Cut to: Outside Applied Cryogenics. He stops outside a building and locks up his bike. A man sneaks up behind him, cuts the chain and steals his bike.] BIKE THIEF Happy new year!
[Applied Cryogenics. Fry steps out of the elevator on the 64th floor. He knocks on a door marked Applied Cryogenics. A sign underneath indicates No Power Failures Since 199[7]. No one opens the door so Fry goes in.] [Cut to: Cryogenics Lab. The room is empty and there are no lights on. Strange pods about 6ft tall line one of the walls. There are a few other machines around the room and a desk and a chair in the middle of the room. Fry wipes some condensation from a window on one of the pods, revealing the face of an inanimate man inside. He turns around.] FRY Hello? Pizza delivery for......Icy Wiener?! Aw, crud! I always thought at this point in my life I'd be the one making the crank calls! Here's to another lousy millennium. [He unenthusiastically raises his hand and toasts.]
[Cut to: Time Square. Crowds have gathered for the countdown. 10 appears on a huge screen.] CROWD Ten!
[Cut to: Paris. A screen on the Eiffel Tower displays 9.]
CROWD Neuf!
[Cut to: Vatican City. The Pope holds up a sign with "VIII" on it.] CROWD Otto!
[Cut to: Egypt. Egyptians crowd around the pyramids.]
CROWD Sabaa!
[Cut to: Athens. People are gathered around the Parthelon.] CROWD Eksi!
[Cut to: Great Wall Of China.]
CROWD Wu!
[Cut to: Taj Mahal.]
CROWD Chaar!
[Cut to: African Village.]
CROWD Thathu!
[Cut to: Tokyo. A screen displays 2.]
CROWD Wu!
[From space the whole planet sees in the new millennium.]
CROWD One!
[Cut to: Cryogenics Lab. Fry unenthusiastically blows a party blower and starts losing his balance on the chair. It tips back. Fry waves his arms around trying to regain his balance. As he falls he doesn't see the shadow of a small creature under the desk. The chair tips back and Fry falls off it and rolls backwards into cryogenic freezer number 40. The dial on the machine automatically sets itself for 1000 years.] FRY What the?
[He looks around and screams. In a flash he is frozen in time.] [Time Lapse.Days and nights and eventually years pass à la The Time Machine as he stays locked in the freezer. Civilisation is destroyed by aliens twice until eventually huge buildings spring up around Applied Cryogenics. The timer stops 1000 years later and the door opens. Fry is unfrozen. Initially disorientated, he stumbles around and notices something to his right. He presses his face against a large window and stares in awe.] FRY My God! It's the future. My parents, my co-workers, my girlfriend. I'll never see any of them again. Yahoo! [Opening Credits. Caption: In Color.]
[Cryogenics Lab. Fry is still looking out of the window. The door opens and two shadows walk in.] MAN (dramatically) Welcome to the world of tomorrow! [The other shadow turns on the light. They are lab technicians both wearing white lab coats. The dramatic one is called Terry. He is a blonde Caucasian with large glasses. The other is called Lou, a black haired Asian.] LOU Why do you always have to say it that way? TERRY Haven't you ever heard of a little thing called showmanship? (dramatically) Come, your destiny awaits! [Applied Cryogenics Corridor. The technicians leave Fry outside the Fate Assignment Officer's office.] LOU Have a nice future.
[The door slides open.]
FRY Cool! Just like in Star Trek! Ow! [Cut to: Fate Assignment Officer's Office. A woman wearing a black uniform stands with her back to Fry looking at a clipboard. She has purple hair held up in a ponytail.] WOMAN Good afternoon, sir. Name?
FRY Uh, Fry.
WOMAN I'm Leela. Now it's New Year's Eve so I'd like to decide your fate quickly and get out of here. FRY Can I ask you a question?
LEELA As long as it's not about my eye.
FRY Uh...
LEELA Is it about my eye?
FRY Sort of.
[Leela sighs.]
LEELA Just ask the question.
FRY What's with the eye?
LEELA I'm an alien, alright? Now let's drop the subject. FRY Cool, an alien! Has your race taken over the Earth? LEELA No, I just work here.
[Fry looks out the window. A passing blimp wishes people a Happy New Year 3000. Leela follows his gaze.] FRY Wait a minute! Is that blimp accurate? LEELA Yep. It's December 31st 2999.
FRY My God, a million years!
LEELA I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. FRY Y'know, I guess it should be but actually I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. LEELA Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the probulator. [Probulator Room. Fry lies on a metal table surrounded by lots of things designed to probe him. Leela puts a single lensed goggle on and presses a button. Fry squeaks.] [Time Lapse. Leela tears off a printout and reads it while Fry starts to get dressed.] LEELA Interesting. Your DNA test shows one living relative. He's your great great great great great great great... [Time Lapse. Fry is now fully dressed.]
LEELA ...great great great great great nephew. FRY That's great! What's the little guy's name? LEELA Professor Hubert Farnsworth.
[She turns the page over to show Fry the photo. Farnsworth is an old bald man who wears thick glasses.] FRY Eurgh!
[Fate Assignment Officer's Office. Leela types something on a computer.] FRY Y'know, I'm the luckiest guy in the whole future. I've been given a second chance and this time I'm not going to be a total loser. What's that? LEELA Your permanent career assignment.
[She turns the screen around to show him his career. "Career: Delivery Boy" is all that is written on the screen.] FRY Delivery boy? No! Not again! Please! Anything else! [He grabs Leela's hand.]
LEELA Take your hands off me! You've been assigned the job you're best at just like everyone else. FRY What if I refuse?
LEELA Then you'll be fired...
FRY Fine!
LEELA ...out of a cannon into the Sun!
FRY But I don't like being a delivery boy. LEELA Well that's tough! Lots of people don't like their jobs but we do them anyway. You gotta do what you gotta do! Now hold out your hand, I'm gonna implant your career chip. It'll permanently label you as a delivery boy. [She picks up an implant gun. It has two huge spikes on the end.] FRY Keep that thing away from me!
[He gets up and runs out of the room.]
[Cut to: Applied Cryogenics Corridor. He runs from the office into another room.] [Cut to: Cryogenics Lab. Leela runs in after Fry and he dodges the implant gun.] LEELA Hold still, damnit. I don't have good depth perception! You've got until the count of five to let me out of here. One... [In a flash she is frozen.]
FRY See you in a thousand years! You owe me one. [New New York Street. Fry runs out of the building and looks in awe at the sights around him.] FRY Whoa!
[Spaceships take off, there are traffic jams in the sky and billboards advertising Bachelor Chow. A couple walk past him nearly naked except for some strategically placed black bars. He looks up and sees people flying through a green tube overhead. He walks around a corner and finds an entrance to the tube. A pedestrian steps in.] MAN #1 JFK Jr. Airport.
[The man is sucked up into the tube.]
FRY Cool! Um. Cross Town Express?
[The tube sucks him up and he screams as he flies through it. People look up from the street and stare at him. He is taken across the city, past the Statue of Liberty, underwater and finally out the other end smack into a building. A man looks up from his newspaper.] MAN #2 Pft! Tourist!
[Time Lapse. A hover-car flies over a line of traffic on the road and a police car chases it. Fry walks around a corner and sees a line of people outside a small grey booth.] FRY Hey! A phone booth! I can call my nephew. Wow, a real live robot! Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? ROBOT Bite my shiny metal ass.
[Fry looks around at the robot's ass.]
FRY It doesn't look so shiny to me.
ROBOT Shinier than yours, meatbag!
[Fry steps into the phone booth. He overlooks the important sign outside that differentiates it from normal phone booths. It is actually a suicide booth.] [Cut to: Suicide Booth. Fry presses a button and nothing happens. The robot steps in behind him.] ROBOT Listen, buddy, I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a twofer! [He puts a coin on a string in the slot then pulls it out again and chuckles. A pleasant woman's voice speaks.] BOOTH VOICE Please select mode of death: "Quick And Painless" or "Slow And Horrible". FRY Yeah, I'd like to place a collect call. BOOTH VOICE You have selected: "Slow And Horrible". ROBOT Great choice! Bring it on, baby!
[Fry screams.]
[Time Lapse. The robot is getting impatient.]
ROBOT C'mon, c'mon! Kill me already! By the way, my name's Bender! [He holds out his hand.]
FRY Help! What's happening?
[The sharp things lunge at them. Fry pushes Bender to the side of the booth. The sharp things stab and twist at the air and finally return to behind the hatch.] BOOTH VOICE You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-N-Drop, America's favourite suicide booth since 2008. [Cut to: New New York Street. Fry runs out gasping.]
BENDER Lousy stinking rip-off! Well I didn't have anything else planned for today. Let's go get drunk! [Cryogenics Lab. The timer on Leela's chamber runs out. The door opens and she defrosts.] LEELA ...two, three -- Hey!
TERRY (dramatically) Welcome to the world of tomorrow! LEELA Shut up, Terry.
[Ipgee's Office. Leela's boss sits behind a large desk and she stands in front of it.] IPGEE This is unacceptable, Leela. You must find this Mr. Fry and install his chip. LEELA Look, he's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd really rather not force it on him. IPGEE Well that's your job, whether you like it or not and it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not - which I do - very much! Now get to work! Life is good! [O'Zorgnax's Pub. Fry and Bender are sat at the bar. Bender drinks a bottle of Olde Fortran malt liquor.] FRY Why would a robot need to drink?
BENDER I don't need to drink, I can quit anytime I want! So they made you a delivery boy, huh? Man, that's as bad as my job. FRY Really? What do you do Bender?
BENDER I'm a bender. I bend girders, that's all I'm programmed to do. FRY You any good at it?
BENDER You kidding? I was a star! I could bend a girder to any angle: 30 degrees, 32 degrees, you name it! (unsure) 31. (normal) But I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for. FRY What?
BENDER Suicide booths! Well, Fry, it was a pleasure meeting you, I'm gonna go kill myself. [He gets up.]
FRY Wait! You're the only friend I have! BENDER You really want a robot for a friend? FRY Yeah, ever since I was six.
BENDER Well, OK. But I don't want people thinking we're robo-sexuals, so if anyone asks, you're my debugger. [Fry looks out the window and sees Leela.]
FRY Oh, no, it's the Cyclops! Don't look! Don't look! BENDER I'm not looking!
[His eyes zoom in to Leela.]
[Cut to: New New York Street. Leela shows Fry's photo to a man. The man points to him inside the pub. Fry and Bender run off. Leela talks into her wrist communicator.] LEELA This is officer 1B-DI requesting back-up. [The cops, Smitty the human and URL the robot, are standing right behind Leela. Smitty replies in his wrist communicator.] SMITTY We'll be there in five minutes.
[Outside Head Museum. Bender stops Fry outside the building.] BENDER We can hide in here, it's free on Tuesdays. [He runs up the steps dragging Fry behind him.]
[Cut to: Head Museum. Hundreds of heads in jars are stacked on shelves. Leonard Nimoy's head in a jar is on a platform in the middle of one of the rooms.] NIMOY Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy. FRY Spock? Hey! Do the thing!
[He does the Vulcan salute from Star Trek. Nimoy chuckles.] NIMOY I don't do that anymore.
FRY This is unbelievable! What do you heads do all day? NIMOY We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity. [Enter a woman.]
WOMAN Feeding time!
[She shakes a box of what looks like fish food over the jar. Nimoy eats what comes out.] [The door opens and Fry turns around. Enter Leela, Smitty and URL.] LEELA Hmm.
[She looks around and sees Fry and Bender hiding behind a shelf in amongst other assorted heads.] LEELA I'm sorry, Fry, but I have to install your career chip. FRY Yeah, well, if you're sorry why are you doing it? LEELA It's my job. You gotta do what you gotta do! [Fry backs away and hits a shelf with the heads of US presidents on it.] LEELA Watch it!
[Richard Nixon's head falls off. The jar smashes.]
NIXON That's it! You just made my list!
[He jumps up and starts biting Fry's arm.]
FRY Ow! Stoppit! Down boy! Bad president! [Bender tries to pull Nixon's head off.]
SMITTY Alright, buddy, step away from the head! [Fry and Bender put their hands up.]
URL I'm gonna get 24th century on his ass! [They turn on their lightsabers and start to hit Fry.]
LEELA Please, officers, there's no need to use force. URL Let us handle this, weirdy.
[He hits Bender.]
LEELA Oh, come on, he's just a poor kid from the Stupid Ages. SMITTY Keep your big nose out of this, eyeball! LEELA No-one makes fun of my nose.
[She kicks Smitty and URL. Fry and Bender run off and hide in a room.] URL Damn!
LEELA You guys were totally out of control. SMITTY It's our job. We're peace officers. URL Yeah, you know the law: You gotta do what you gotta do. [Leela considers.]
[Head Museum Hall Of Criminals. Bender locks the door.]
BENDER Oh, we're trapped!
[Fry looks to the end of the room. There is a window with bars across it.] FRY Wait a second. You're a bender, right? We can get out of here if you just bend the bars. BENDER Dream on, skin tube. I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like, a de-bender? FRY Who cares what you're programmed for. If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge would you do it? BENDER I'll have to check my program...yep. LEELA Open up!
FRY C'mon, Bender! It's up to you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals...and animal robots. BENDER You're full of crap, Fry! You make a persuasive argument, Fry. [He starts to bend the bars.]
FRY Come on, Bender! You can do it.
BENDER Can't...I...can't...do...it!
[The bars bend and break off completely.]
FRY Yes!
BENDER You were right, Fry! From now on I'm going to bend what I want, when I want, who I want! I'm unstoppable! [His arms fall off but he manages to somehow reattach them without any help.] FRY I don't know how you did that.
[Leela kicks the door open. Fry and Bender dive out through the window.] [Cut to: Outside Head Museum. Fry runs off and Bender bends the bars back so Leela can't climb through. He runs after Fry and Leela reaches out through the bars.] LEELA Wait!
BENDER (shouting) No, thanks.
[Cut to: Alley. Fry and Bender stop at a dead end. There is a drain below them with a grate over the top.] BENDER Looks like one of us will have to bend this grate. [He flexes his fingers but Fry just lifts it. Bender sighs and they climb down the ladder. He reaches back up to the grate and bends it just for the hell of it. He chuckles and follows Fry.] [Ruins Of Old New York. Fry and Bender step off the ladder and look over the vast ruins of the city that looks like the city from Beneath The Planet Of The Apes. Collapsed buildings and rubble litter the streets and holes in the roof let in a few shafts of light, giving the place and eerie atmosphere.] FRY Good Lord! What is this?
BENDER It's the decaying ruins of Old New York. Welcome home, pal! [Time Lapse. Fry and Bender walk down an old ruined street.] FRY Its my old neighbourhood. Man, this brings back a lot of memories. BENDER Keep 'em to yourself, pops.
[Cut to: Ruins of Rockefeller Center Skating Rink. Fry leans over a wall.] FRY This is where I brought my girlfriend on our very first date. [Flashback. Fry skates with Michelle on the crowded ice.]
[Flashback ends. The ice is gone, replaced with murky green waters inhabited by a green tentacled creature.] FRY My God! She's gone. Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. BENDER Wait! There's someone you know!
[He points at Leela, standing with her implant gun.]
FRY Oh, can't you leave me alone? I'm miserable enough already. LEELA Look, I know it's not much consolation but I understand how you feel. FRY No, you don't. I've got no home, no family... [Bender leans in behind him.]
BENDER No friends.
FRY ...My whole world is gone. You can't possibly understand what it feels like to be so alone. LEELA I understand. I'm the only one-eyed alien on this whole planet. My parents abandoned me here as a baby and I don't even know what galaxy they were from. I know how it feels to be alone. FRY Look, Leela, I don't understand this world but you obviously do, so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, I'll do it. Your chip. What are you doing? LEELA Quitting.
FRY Why?
LEELA Because I've always wanted to. I just never realised it before I met you. [She puts her hand on his and smiles. Bender puts his hand on top.] FRY What is the matter with you?
[Bender quickly takes his hand off.]
BENDER I just wanted to be part of the moment. LEELA Hey, he stole my ring!
BENDER Sorry. Well, that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink. [He reaches into his chest cabinet and pulls out three bottles of beer...and drinks them all himself.] LEELA I don't wanna spoil the party but we're all job deserters now. We're unemployed and we have nowhere to go. FRY Correction. We're unemployed but we have a doddering old relative to mooch off of. [He holds up the picture of Farnsworth.]
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lounge. Professor Farnsworth is asleep in his chair. The TV is on and Dick Clark's head presents and a programme.] CLARK [ON TV] Hello, I'm Dick Clark's head. Welcome to a special year 3000 edition of New Year's Rockin' Eve! [The crowds around him cheer. The doorbell rings and Farnsworth wakes up.] [Cut to: Outside Planet Express. Farnsworth opens the door to Fry, Bender and Leela.] FARNSWORTH Who are you?
FRY I'm your dear old Uncle Fry.
FARNSWORTH I don't have an Uncle Fry.
BENDER You do now!
[He pushes Farnsworth back inside.]
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lounge. Farnsworth and Fry are hooked up to a DNA machine. It dings and a red light flashes.] FARNSWORTH By God, I am your nephew! This is absolutely incredible! BENDER Can we have some money?
FARNSWORTH Oh, my, no.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The four walk in.] FARNSWORTH Let me show you around. That's my lab table and this is my work-stool. And over there is my intergalactic spaceship! And here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire. [He opens a drawer but Fry is more interested in what's in the hangar.] FRY Whoa! A real live spaceship!
FARNSWORTH I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used. SMITTY Attention, job deserters! Come out with your hands up. We have you partially surrounded. [Leela gasps.]
FRY No!
[Bender literally shits a brick.]
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. Smitty holds Nixon's head in a jar. The glass is cracked and taped in places.] NIXON Get those bums!
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab.]
BENDER Well, we're boned!
LEELA Can't we get away in the ship?
FARNSWORTH I suppose it is technically possible. Though I am already in my pyjamas. [Fry and Leela run towards the ship and Bender carries Farnsworth under his arm.] [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry runs in and sit in a seat in front of a control panel.] FRY I'll get us out of here.
[He presses a few buttons and pulls a lever. A little hatch opens in the control panel, a paper cup come down and the machine fills it with coffee.] FARNSWORTH Can anyone drive stick?
LEELA I can. As long as I don't have to parallel park. [She takes off her coat, sits in the pilot's seat and pushes down a lever.] [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Klaxons beep and a huge piece of machinery lifts the ship to a 45-degree angle. The entire hangar roof retracts so it is open for the ship.] [Cut to: Outside Planet Express. There are now many peace officers all armed with laser rifles stationed outside. URL sees the roof open.] URL If they try to take off, give 'em an ass-ful of laser. [Smitty nods.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit.]
LEELA Prepare for lift-off. Ten.
[Cut to: Time Square.]
CROWD Nine!
[Cut to: Egypt. The future pyramids now rotate in mid air.] CROWD Amania!
[Cut to: Paris.]
CROWD Seven!
[Cut to: Alien Ship.]
ALIENS (in alien) Six.
[Cut to: Cryogenics Lab. Lou sits in an open pod and Terry raises a glass.] TERRY (dramatically) Five!
[Cut to: Head Museum. Leonard Nimoy is wearing a party hat.] NIMOY Four.
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry, Bender and Farnsworth are sat on a couch at the front of the cockpit.] FARNSWORTH Three.
BENDER Two.
[He is so tense that he rips the arms off the couch.]
LEELA One!
FRY Blast-off!
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The ship takes off.]
[Cut to: Times Square. People cheer in the new millennium and fireworks explode all over the city. "3000" is projected onto the moon and the ship flies between the fireworks.] [Cut to: Outside Planet Express.]
NIXON Fire! Fire!
[The peace officers fire their laser gun randomly into the air.] SMITTY I can't see nothing. Pretty though! [The altitude of the ship increases and laser bolts narrowly miss it.] [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. The ship clears New New York airspace, flies through the atmosphere and heads through the solar system. Everyone cheers.] FRY So I guess without jobs, we'll be fugitives forever. FARNSWORTH Not necessarily. Are you three, by any chance, interested in becoming my new spaceship crew? BENDER New crew? W-What happened to the old crew? FARNSWORTH Of those poor sons of -- but that's not important. The important thing is I need a new crew. Anyone interested? FRY Yes! Yes! That's exactly the job I've always wanted! LEELA Thanks for the offer, Professor, but we don't have the proper career chips. FARNSWORTH Oh, that won't be a problem. As luck would have it I saved the chips from my previous crew. [He empties the career chips out of an envelope marked "Contents Of Space Wasps Stomach".] FRY This is awesome! Are we gonna fly through space fighting monsters and teaching alien women to lurve? FARNSWORTH If by that you mean "transporting cargo" then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. FRY Cool! What's my job gonna be?
FARNSWORTH You will be responsible for ensuring that the cargo reaches its destination. [The smile fades from Fry's face.]
FRY So, I'm gonna be a delivery boy?
FARNSWORTH Exactly!
[Fry thinks for a moment but doesn't seem to mind.]
FRY Alright! I'm a delivery boy!
[He waves his hands in the air and the ship flies on.]
THE END.
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